Morgan's Army

The days were so simple 3 weeks ago. Tom and I would fight over STUPID things and I would will my kids into long naps during the day so I can get a break. I now HATE breaks and Tom and I never argue and are working like the power couple I always knew we were.

My days now consists of medicine, CANCER, pain, sadness, anger, and trying to create a normal life for my kids as much as possible without royally fucking them up in the process. I wish I could go back to the day where the worst thing to have to deal with was trying to convince my husband to load the dishwasher.

Chunks of her hair fell out today and the look on the face of the poor woman who swept our room says it all. It’s happening……its happening……its happening. I just play with her hair and it continues to fall out and I want to hold on to it so much and the other part of me is begging her to let me shave it but she won’t. Its the one decision I am letting her make and its tearing me up inside.  This too shall pass and she will learn to own it and she will make that decision when it’s right for her.

But man, do I feel strong. We keep overcoming everything that is thrown at us and Morgan is getting through this with grace and dignity. Liam knows Sissy is sick and we talked about what Cancer was while we floated in the pool. My boy is bloody brilliant and finds light and love in everything including running in a dark hallway in the hospital past visiting hours.

Today they had a scavenger hunt in the hallway and Morgan was running so fast, I was afraid I couldn’t keep up with her IV pole. Oh what a blissful fear to have. My baby is running and laughing with her brother…….My heart is full.

The catscan showed an inflammation in her bowels and stomach lining so we are currently in the ICU because they have to watch and make sure her bowels don’t rupture. They are giving her tons of antibiotics to fight this and we will only know if it’s working when 1. Her pain slows down 2. It doesn’t rupture 3. When she poops. There’s a surgical team that’s been on standby to do immediate surgery if that occurs so we are at the right place. Kids usually rupture at home and there’s so much time they have to take to get here and prepped so we will have 1 up on this shitty situation if that happens. We will be in the ICU for the foreseeable future until this is under control.